college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
