Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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