very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
