Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
