i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
