.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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