Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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