The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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