It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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