I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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