This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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