ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
try to milk me bitch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
