I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
