the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
