Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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