I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
