you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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