My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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