he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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