He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
