You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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