Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
