That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Semen is not good for contacts.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Randomize
