cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
