Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
