you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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