Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We smell like vodka and hangover
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