so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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