I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
