i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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