Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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