last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
