I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
