all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
