yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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