There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
