it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
