Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
