He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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