Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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