i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
