I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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