do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
