i just wanna soil my oats bro
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
