Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
