He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
