I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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