Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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