is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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