UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
