Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
