I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
